


Fight or Flight

by Deadpool1763492



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Depression, I know I'm heartless, I'm still pretty new to this, Insanity, Not as much romance as you'd expect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-03-14 01:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadpool1763492/pseuds/Deadpool1763492
Summary: Life has always been difficult for this rich teen model superhero, but things only seemed to go downhill as time passes by. Eventually, things get so bad, that his mind begins to slip away little by little. Who shall with this story of revenge? What is considered evil? Who truly is the evil one in the end? So many questions that may never be answered. Yet, one thing is known. Revenge is a bitter-sweet feeling that, deep down, everyone yearns to feel.———Just another story that I originally posted on Miraculous Amino. I might transfer all my stories here, but I'm not sure yet.





	1. A Past Left Unforgotten

_Chaton._

_Chaton._

_Chaton!_

“No!” I wake up screaming, jolting up with sudden energy. My breathing falters and shakes as my heart races in my chest. Reminisces of tears are in my eyes, threatening to fall. I press the palm of my right hand against my forehead, clutching the front of my hairline and practically pulling the strands out as a failed attempt to calm down. _I…I can still hear her._ I peer into the darkness that surrounds me. _She’s here. No, she’s gone. How long has she been gone? When did she leave me? No, I abandoned her. Why can’t I remember?_

_Chaton!_

My eyes widen and the thumping gets even faster, if that’s even humanly possible. _No. No, no, no! Not again! Not again!_ I feel my throat lock up and my stomach churns. My fist tightens around my hair, the pain increasing. _Not again!_ My breathing quickens, and I soon find myself hyperventilating. My eyes lower, staring at the cold blankets on top of me. “Y-you’re okay.” I reassure myself, breaking the unbearable dead silence. It seems to work. “That’s right; you’re okay. Nothing has changed since yesterday. You’re okay. You’re okay.” The undistinguishable voices that surround me quiet down, and the drum in my ears slows down, until it is merely a frequent beating that fades into the background.

“A-Adrien?” A familiar raspy voice calls out softly. I feel something on my left hand, which I find clutching the blanket. A sudden wave on calmness overcomes me. “Are you okay?” I don’t reply, still staring into the shadows that seem to swallow me. “Did you have the nightmare again?” I am finally able to find the courage to speak once more.

“Y-yes.” I say with a small, yet flat voice. “Yes, I had the nightmare again.”

“Adrien-”

“No!” I cut him off for some reason. _He’s just trying to help._ “No, I’m okay. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m okay.” I feel my lips form a fake smile. “I’m okay. I-I’m still here.” I let go of my hair and move my hand to my sight. It’s trembling. I grab its wrist with the other, and the shaking stops. I close my eyes and breathe in a long, deep breath, and hold it for a few moments. I then slowly let it out, reopening my eyes in the process. The black kwami doesn’t argue back. He already knows that I’m not going to talk.

I pull my legs from out of the sheets and swing them over the edge of the mattress, hesitating before pushing myself off and walking towards the window. I stare out of it; it’s dark outside, the only light coming from the moon. I take a quick glance at the digital clock on my desk. 1:27. “P-P-Plagg?” I stutter, struggling to find my words again. I find the creature hovering beside me. “C…c-c…” I close my eyes and calm myself.

“Are you sure you want to go out? You’re still shaki-”

“Claws out.” I feel the transformation begin, and squeeze my eyes shut. I open them once it finishes, and look back at the window, everything now looking clear, as if it were suddenly day. I push it open, making sure it doesn’t make a sound. I look back at my room, squinting at the door. It’s locked, just as I left it when I went to bed. I turn back to the window and climb out, grabbing the mansion wall and making my way to the roof. I avoid the windows, though I know that no one will see me at this hour. Once I’m at the top, I stand straight and stare at the sleeping city. _Look at them. All those clueless people, lost in their dreams. They have no idea what’s happening in front of them._ I close my eyes and shake the dark thoughts away. _Don’t deny it._ I wait for it to say more. The voice doesn’t say anything else. _The voice?_ I let out a small, pitiful laugh and lift my eyelids. _There’s a voice in my head now._ I reach my hand to my lower back, wrapping my fingers around the baton, and pull it out of its strap. I stare at it for a few moments before extending it and spinning it, then splitting it in half and twirling both of them in my hands. I stop the spinning and slam them back into one. I slide my hands downwards and hold the stick like a sword. I begin swinging at the invisible enemies around me. I kick and punch at them, avoiding their nonexistent attacks.

After who knows how long, I stop my training, and find myself sitting at the edge of the roof, swinging my legs. _You should sleep. No, you can’t sleep. What if you have the nightmare again? No, you can’t risk it. Stay awake. Stay safe._ I nod in agreement and push myself off, landing swiftly on my feet and running across the lawn, giving myself enough momentum to jump the fence. I continue running through the empty streets silently, not knowing where I’m going. _Just keep running. Run away from your struggles. You’re problems. Reality._ The wind flying past me feels so good, I can’t help but smile a bit. I can feel it cut through me, causing my hair to go into a careless frenzy. I pull out the baton again and use it to push myself into the air, putting it back once I land on a building effortlessly. I seem to be on autopilot as I continue sprinting through the city, past all the buildings, engulfed in darkness. _A cat in the night._ I have no idea where I’m going until I make it there. My smile disappears as quickly as it came.

Here I stand on a balcony. Not just any old balcony, though. This balcony is different. It holds me in an eternal suffering. A cage I can’t escape from. A hell I will forever burn in.

_This is the balcony of my dead beloved, Marinette._


	2. A Lone Star

I stand and stare at the trapdoor in front of me to her room. I know it’s locked already. This isn’t the first time I’ve been here. No…I’ve been here many times now. My eyes trail away from the door and I turn to look over the balcony and at the empty city streets.

_It’s your fault._

I shiver, the voice taking me by surprise. I shut my eyes lightly, now staring at my eyelids. _Just ignore it. Just ignore it._

_You were just seconds too late, right? You had to do something “important.” Do you remember? Can you recall what you needed to do?_

I shake my head in denial, tears emerging once again. _I…I did everything I could. I tried to do whatever I could to save her…_

_But it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough, is it? You’re weak. You’re useless. How can people call someone like you a hero?_

I fall to my knees, my legs no longer willing to support the rest of my body. I slouch, my eyes now wide open, and gaze at the building’s roof as water trickles down my cheeks. _It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault! Why couldn’t I be faster? Why wasn’t I there to help her? Why did I abandon her?_ I halfheartedly hit my fist against the floor and squint through the tears. _What have I done?!_ I sob, her beautiful face emerging from the dark corners of my mind. Her face is bruised and bleeding, her eyes begging for assistance. I lift my head and see her in front of me, the rest of the world now fading into the background. A dark fog seems to settle around us, and the undistinguishable voices return around me, much louder than before. She is reaching her arm out, as if trying to take my hand. I reach out towards her, but, the closer I get, the further she seems. _No! I’m almost there! My lady, please don’t go!_ I let out another weak cry as she fades away, now far away from me. “Marinette!” I push myself up and rush towards her, but, again, I’m too late. She’s gone.

I stand in place, comprehending what had just occurred. _I was too late. I’m always too late. It’s my fault. It’s my fault._

_Weak._

The voices then disappear, replaced by a ringing in my ears. The night seems silent once more, and everything returns to normal, as if nothing had happened. I bend my neck towards the sky, looking at the clear sky. Only half the moon is seen tonight, casting a ghostly shadow throughout the city. The stars sparkle, each seeking attention before fading into a silhouette of another. I make the shapes of some constellations, connecting the lines in my head. _There’s the mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife…_ I sudden wave of dizziness hits me, forcing my head into the palm of my hand. _I…I need to get home._ I take a small step towards the railing of the balcony, but collapse, unable to move due to the exhaustion. _H-home…_ The thought comes and goes, and I find myself mumbling. “Claws in.” I hear myself say. There is a bright green light, and I am now my normal self.

“Adrien, you need to get back home! Your father-” I lay back on the floor of the roof, staring at the night sky and not wanting to leave.

“Just one more night…” I say, ignoring the cat’s words. “Just one more night.” He continues with his useless begs as my eyes trail across the stars, making the shapes once more. _There’s the mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife. The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife._ I lift a hand and connect the dots with my finger. _The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife._ I let out a small smile. _The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife._ The words seem natural. “The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife.” I now say out loud. The creature’s voice abruptly stops. “The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife.” I can feel his eyes on me in confusion. “That’s the thing about stars. They never change. Of course, they fade away eventually, but they always stay in the same place as before. You can always expect them to be there, even if you can’t see them.” I don’t know if I’m even talking to him at this point. “The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife.” I place my hands underneath my head and continue to speak. “I wonder where people go after they die. Is there a heaven and hell? Are they reborn? Or do they just disappear into nothingness, never to be seen again? It’s a question us humans have been asking for centuries now. What happens after death?” I gaze at the twinkling lights above me. “Can you hear me, my lady? Are you there? Will I ever see you again?” I let out a huff of air, still smiling. “What am I saying? Of course you can hear me. You’re always there, somewhere. Nothing can hurt you anymore.”

“Adrien, we should go.” I still ignore the kwami’s efforts.

“I hope to see you again one day, my lady. Will I? Will you forgive me for what I have done?” I close my eyes for a moment before opening them again, my blurry vision readjusting to see the stars again. “Who am I kidding? I don’t want you to forgive me. I could’ve saved you. I was just weak. I still am, aren’t I?” I let out a pitiful laugh. “What I would do to touch your face one more time. To feel your lips pressed against mine again. How I miss that feeling…that bond between us. That unbreakable trust that I broke on that fateful night. I betrayed you, my lady. I’ve apologized countless times, but I don’t want you to forgive me. I never want you to forgive me.” I trail my finger across the sky once more.

_“The mother and child bear. The dragon. The king. His wife.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter. Two things fascinate me: astronomy and the idea of death. Of course, I have other interests, but these two ideas are just...you can think a lot about them. How big is the universe? Are we made of stardust? What happens to our minds after we pass? Are all our ideas, our memories, just gone forever? Okay, I have to stop before I get carried away. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Fault

I stare at the stars as they sparkle at me. My eyes are watery again for some reason. “Adrien?” I hear my kwami ask. “Are…are you okay?” I close my eyes for a moment before opening them and turning to him.

“I don’t know, Plagg. I honestly don’t know.” His pupils dilate, and he hovers closer to me.

“Look, I know that this is hard for you. You have to face Hawkmoth on your own now, and it feels like the whole world is against you. I underst-” I raise a hand to him, silencing his voice.

“No. Don’t you dare say you understand.” I let out a small, pitiful laugh. “That is the most cliché thing you can say at the moment.” He pushes my hand down, and I raise an eyebrow.

“I’m not trying to be cliché. I’m trying to tell you that this isn’t the first time this has happened to a black cat. In fact, this has happened many times in history. Some eventually regain their sanity, others reach the point of no return. I’ve seen many scenarios.”

“And what am I?” I ask, hiding the hint of sarcasm in my voice. “What scenario am I, oh great god of destruction?” He rolls his eyes, but I can see a small smirk on his face.

“You’re unique. Every black cat has had a history of bad luck, but, when I first found you, you were one of the only ones that was still able to smile.” My eyes widen as his trail to the ground. “Yeah, some have had it really tough. But, you? You were still able to find happiness in the smallest of things.” Something catches my attention.

“Were?” He looks back up at me with weak, tired eyes.

“Kid, look at yourself.” I sit up and look down at my body. I suddenly notice that I’ve been getting thinner, and, adding to that, weaker in general. “You’re torturing yourself because of this…guilt. Is this what Marinette would’ve wanted?” I continue staring at myself, not replying. “She gave her life for you to give a second chance at yours. Are you going to let her die in vain?” I shut my eyes, feeling a tear roll down my face.

“Plagg, I could’ve saved her…”

“No, you couldn’t have. She cared about you, Adrien. And she wanted you to live a happy life.” I then open my eyes and turn to him, the tears blinding my sight.

“How, Plagg?! How can I live knowing that she died for me?! That I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself?! I was always the sidekick; the one who needed to be saved. Why wasn’t I there for her?!”

“You were a few seconds late-”

“Exactly! If I just went a little bit faster…” My eyes fall to the ground, the tears collecting at my chin and drenching my shirt. “Just one more second, and she would be sleeping here, safe and happy…”

“You don’t know that.” I look up at him.

“What?” My breathing quivers.

“For all we know, there was no way to avoid her death. There’s no way of knowing.” My heart seems to stop. _He…he thinks I couldn’t do it. He thinks I couldn’t save her._ “Do you remember what she said? Her final words?” I stare at him.  _Her final words?_

“Pla-”

“Answer the question. Do you remember her final words?” I let out a shaky breath and nod slowly.

“How could I ever forget?” I mumble, wiping the water from my eyes to see a little bit better. He then hovers to eye level, his gaze piercing through mine, as if trying to see what I was thinking. I shift my weight uncomfortably, refusing to make eye contact with him.

“What were they?” I still don’t look at him. “What was the last thing she said to you?” I look up at him for a moment before returning my gaze back to the trapdoor on the ground. I can tell he’s running out of patience. He now speaks sternly. “Adrien.”

“She…” I begin, the tears returning. “She told me that it wasn’t my fault.” The kwami crosses his arms.

“Look at you now. She clearly said that she didn’t blame you. Why are you punishing yourself in such terrible ways, then?”

_You can’t survive without her._

My eyes widen. _No. Not now. Please, no!_

_Look at you. Wasting your tears away as the creature comforts you. You’ve always needed someone else’s help, haven’t you?_

“Adrien? Kid, are you okay?” I’m not able to reply. _N-no. Please, stop. I’m begging, please._

_Begging? Is that what you resort to now? No wonder she died trying to save you. How the hell are you supposed to save yourself? You might as well surrender your ring to Hawkmoth altogether._

I can hear the voice’s mocking laughter in the distance. I stand up and look around for the source. “Adrien, what are you doing? There’s nothing there.” _Why are you doing this to me? Why do you just want to see me suffer?_

_I’m only giving what you deserve. Do you honestly think you deserve the happiness? The love that you’ve always yearned? What have you ever done to earn those?_

I collapse onto my knees once more. He’s right. He’s right. What have I ever done besides run away? What have I ever done to show that I deserve the happiness I’ve always wanted? What have I done to show that I truly earned it?

“Kid, are you okay? What’s happening? Talk to me!” My breath shakes again, and my chest hurts. This pain…why does it feel so good? Why do I love the feeling? Is it because that’s what I deserve? Is this what my life has resulted to?

The inaudible voices surround me once more. They seem to be yelling at me, though I can’t distinguish one from another. What are they saying? What do they want from me? What do I do to make all this stop?

_What do I do to end all of this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happened in this chapter, I guess. I don't know. I'm trying my best, but I'm not the greatest at writing.


	4. Letters

_A world without her. Is that a world even worth living in?_

I’m back at home now. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, peering into the darkness before me. I don’t know how I got here; it’s all just a blur to me now. One minute I’m drowning in the unknown voices on her balcony, the next I’m in my room, staring at the ceiling. Plagg apparently explained it to me, but I was hardly listening. I don’t want to bother him to explain it once more. So I just accept the fact and continue letting my mind wander.

_She was my light; my beacon of hope. What good have I done without her?_

I turn my head to the right, staring at the picture that rests on the night table. It’s all four of us, happy. I see that I stand between her and Nino, my arms wrapped around their necks, also attempting to reach her best friend, Alya. There’s a slight blush on my beloved’s face, a direct jab showing how dense I was.

_After her death, I only pushed everyone further away from me. Every time everyone tried to help me, I would only let my guilt and anger out on them. It’s come to a point where they just leave me alone. Why am I such an idiot?_

I sigh and turn my gaze back to the ceiling. What should I do now? I’d only make Plagg angrier if I go out again. So what do I do now?

_Write to her._

Without second thought, I sit up and swing my legs over the edge of the bed, pushing myself off. “Adrien, go to sleep.” I hear my kwami order me. I ignore him and walk to my desk, turning on the dim lamp. “Adrien.” I take out some paper and grab the black pen by father had given me for my birthday for three years in a row. I click it open and sit on the chair. “Adrien, it’s almost 3 in the morning. You need to sleep.” I see him hovering a few feet from me. I think of how to start the message.

_Dear Marinette,_

I already feel the tears threatening to fall once again. _No. Stop it. You mustn’t cry. It’s a sign of weakness._ I wipe the water away as my eyes fall back on the sheet.

_My dear, dear beloved. I know you told me it was not my fault, yet, every day, I blame myself. Just a few seconds earlier, just a bit faster, and you could be here, in my arms._

“Adrien,” He lands next to the paper. “Please, you have school later today. Please go to sleep.” _He’s begging now._

“Yes, Plagg. Let me just finish this.” The kwami sighs, but nods and turns to the paper, ready to observe me as I write. I allow him to do so.

_The world isn’t right without you, my lady. I hate how everyone has simply…moved on. Even your parents now act like you never existed. Do they not honor your death? Do they feel that your sacrifice was in vain?_

I glance at my other hand. It’s clutched into a fist, shaking from the immense pressure. I let out a deep, shaky breath as an attempt to calm down, slowly opening it.

_What I would do to have you with me right now. I would sacrifice everything I have just for one kiss. One taste of those beautiful lips of yours. Is that too much to ask for? Just one more min-_

The tears begin falling again, and I don’t bother wiping them. They drip onto the paper, but I don’t care.

_-ute. I would just hold you close to me, owning you for that final sixty seconds. My lady, please let me live that. I’m begging, please._

_No. No, how could I ask for so much? I’m a fool for thinking such a thing is right. I don’t deserve someone like you. After what I did to you, I don’t deserve anything. I should just end it all…_

_But who would protect the people, then? I can’t trust anyone else to do it. That is why I keep the earrings with me. I cannot allow anyone else to bear them. No one can replace you, my lady. Maybe, one day, I will put them on…but I’m scared. I’m scared of the power, the responsibility that will come with it. If I couldn’t save you, how can I be worthy of such strength? No, I have not redeemed myself yet. I can’t wear them yet._

_I’m sorry, Marinette. I’m so, so sorry. I still cannot forgive myself for what I have done. How can I? Your sacrifice…it was avoidable. How could he just take your life so easily? How could Hawkmoth do this?_

_Hawkmoth…it’s his fault, as well, isn’t it? Yes, he’s the one who took you away from me. Hawkmoth…I will have my revenge on you. You have taken something very close to me away, and you shall pay dearly for your crime. I will avenge my love’s death. I will end your life, foul villain. I will do it for her._

_Dear Marinette, I shall depart. I need not to bother you any further. I deeply apologize for what I’ve done, though forgiveness is not what I deserve. I just wish for you to be happy, and, maybe, one day I will, as well._

_I love you, now and always._

_Adrien_

I put the pen down and flip the paper over so the blank side faces up. I then turn the lamp off and limp back to my bed. Plagg allowed me to write, therefore I must keep my end of the deal. I lay on the bed, now facing the wall to my side. I attempt to drift off, now realizing how exhausted I truly am.

_Hawkmoth, I will get my revenge. I will kill you, no matter what the cost._

_This is the end of your reign._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was depressing. Nothing new about that, though.


	5. Freedom

I open my eyes, blinded by the sunlight coming from my window, hearing a knocking on my door. “Adrien,” A woman’s voice sounds. “your father is asking for you.” I groan and turn to face the ceiling.

“I’ll be right there!” I yell back. I hear the clicking of heels as she walks away, and I close my eyes again. _Damnit, why does he need me now?_ I force my eyes open once again and push myself into a sitting position, stretching. I begin to remember the events from the previous night. My heartrate quickens as I narrow my eyes. “Hawkmoth.” I simply say, a growl running up my throat. I lift my hands, finding them in closed fists. I take a deep breath, calming myself down, and climb out of the covers, walking out of my door and down the stairs to my father’s office.

Once there, I find him on his computer behind his desk. “You called, Father?” I asked him. He begins speaking without taking his eyes off the screen.

“Where have you been going at night, Adrien?” I feel the blood drain from my face.

“What?” I ask him hesitantly. I see his eyes fall on me.

“Do I need to repeat myself.” The sentence doesn’t come out as a question. I don’t dare make eye contact.

“No, Father.” I say to him, refraining from yelling at him. Why do I feel so threatened? Why am I cowering under his rule? Why am I holding back?

“Well?” He asks me, commanding me to speak. I look at him with tired eyes.

“I’ve been going out to clear my head.” I tell him simply. I’m not lying. I’m just not telling him the complete truth. He stares at me for a few moments before talking again.

“We never saw you on the security cameras.” He tells me. “How do you explain that?”

“I guess I’ve become good at avoiding them.” I say back to him, not wanting to be here anymore. _This is a waste of time. I need to begin my search. I need to find Hawkmoth. I need to kill him! I need to—_

“Do we need to begin monitoring you in your room?” I narrow my eyes towards him. _He knows something. Play along with his charade._

“If you find that fitting, then go ahead.” I reply, showing no emotion. _He’s looking for a reaction. I can’t give him what he wants._ He stares straight at me, trying to find what he’s looking for. He’s not going to get it. “Permission to go back to my room?” I ask him in a slightly rebellious tone.

“No, I think I’d like to talk to you for a short while longer.” I cross my arms, showing him that I really don’t care for what he’s going to say. He ignores the message. “Why have you been going out?”

“I already told you; to clear my head.” He doesn’t seem satisfied by the answer. “One of my closest friends is now dead. It turns out she was Ladybug, the hero of Paris. Chat Noir could do nothing to save her.” I added emphasis on my alter-ego’s name. “Do you know how much that is to take in?” I see a glint in his eyes. _Why is he interrogating me? What will he accomplish out of this?_

“You will no longer go out. I trust that you will listen to me. If not, I will have someone personally check on you after every hour of the night. Do you understand?” I stare at him for a few moments before nodding.

“Of course, Father. Whatever you say.” I hide the hint of sarcasm in my voice. “Shall I depart now?” He doesn’t reply, instead turning his attention back to his computer. I take this as an invitation to leave, and exit the office, running back up the stairs and entering my room, slamming the door behind me. I then proceed to collapse onto the bed, and wander into thought.

_Something’s not right about this._

_How did he know I was going out at night?_

_Maybe he checks on you._

_No, that’s unlike him. Why would he come into my room at three in the morning? It makes no sense._

_Since when do things make sense?_

I stare at the wall.

_What do I do?_

_You go out anyway._

_But what if—_

_Are you going back on your promise to her so easily?_

My breathing stops abruptly. What am I doing? What’s wrong with me? What has gotten me so soft all of a sudden?

_Get all these thoughts out of your head. You only have one goal. You will find him. You will end his life. Do you understand?_

My heartrate is dangerously low. I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t stop the sudden wave of dizziness that comes upon me.

_I-I—_

**_Do you understand?_ **

_Yes._

My breathing returns to normal almost immediately, and I close my eyes as a failed attempt to calm myself down.

“Are you okay, Adrien?” The raspy voice asks. I let out an innocent laugh.

“Since when have I been okay?” I reply. He doesn’t say anything back to me. I begin planning out my night.

_When do I leave?_

_No sooner than one._

_What if I get caught?_

The other doesn’t reply. I wait impatiently.

_You don’t._

I ponder on the reply for a moment. That doesn’t help.

_But—_

**_Adrien._ **

I let out a shaky breath before sitting up and going to my window and staring out it. The sky is a crystal blue. The sun shines beautifully off the buildings. It is a perfect day in Paris. I look at the city streets and watch as people walk peacefully, laughing and enjoying themselves. Completely oblivious of how much danger they could be in. I decide to go take a shower. A long, cold one.

I walk into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror. I pull my shirt off and kick off the shorts. I turn the handle, and water sprouts out of the shower head. I stand underneath, the water to flowing freely around me, surrounding me. I close my eyes and lift my face to it, allowing it to run across my face, as if trying to wash all my problems away. As if that were possible. My long hair flattens onto my eyes, reminding me how uncared for it is now, and I lift my hand to it and push it back to see again.

The cold water feels good on my skin, satisfying even. I sigh, not wanting to leave. I wonder, is that what death feels like? Cold? Satisfying? Maybe even free? I lean my head back, imagining it. Freedom. What an interesting concept. What does it truly feel like? Is anyone truly free in the end? I think of everyone I know. Everyone has a goal. They all run into problems. Everyone is always held back by something.

_Something._

What is freedom? What does it feel like? What does one have to do to finally achieve it?

_Freedom. What an interesting concept._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are any of us truly free in the end? Who knows.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.


	6. Help

I turn off the water and step out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I ignore the fact that my hair is still soaked, and walk out of the bathroom. “You feelin’ any better, kid?” The kwami asks me.

“Yeah, whatever.” I tell him, even though I truly do feel much better than before.

_Don’t forget what you have to do._

I freeze, then shaking my head, as if to get rid of the voice in my head. I know that’s impossible. I go to my closet and grab my clothes, then going back into the bathroom to put them on. Once finished, I stare at myself in the mirror.

_To think, I’m staring at a future murderer._

_It’s not a murder if you’re bringing justice._

_That’s right; he’s a murderer as well._

_Don’t hesitate._

I run a hand through my dripping hair and exit once again. I look at the time. 8:30. I have school in half an hour. Plagg flies next to me. “Did you do your homework?” I roll my eyes.

“Do you honestly think I have time for something like that? I’m a frickin’ superhero.”

“That doesn’t mean you ignore your responsibilities in your civilian life.” I clench my jaw. “Adrien, you were the one who wanted to go to school. The least you can do is actually care about it.”

“That was over a year ago. I don’t care about something as useless as that anymore.” He sighs in defeat, and I grab my backpack from the floor, shaking my head as an attempt to get the rest of the water out.

“Adrien!” I hear Nathalie calling me. _Speak of the devil._ “Come down, or you’ll be late for school.” _Wouldn’t be the first time._

“I’m on my way!” I sigh and swing the strap of my bag over my shoulder, then walking out of my room and down the stairs, where she’s waiting for me. “I’m ready.” She nods, and walks me outside, where my limo is already waiting for me. She opens the door to the backseat, and I climb in. I stare at the seat in front of me as the door slams closed, and don’t bother to put my seatbelt on. It’s not like I’ll die or anything. _Famous last words._ I let out a small, pitiful laugh. I turn to look out the window, watching the pedestrians. _They’re all idiots. All of them._ Eventually, I arrive at my school, and my bodyguard opens the car door. I push myself out, swinging my backpack around my shoulder once again. As I make my way to the school, I keep my head ducked down. The other students abruptly lower their voices as I pass them.

“I heard he hurts himself now.”

“Look at him. He’s a mess now.”

“He blows up so easily. Did you know he yelled at his dad earlier?”

“Did you hear? He’s seeing a therapist now.” I ignore the whispers and rumors around me, not bothering to fight back. I walk up the stairs and enter the classroom.

“Hello, Adrien!” My teacher says. “You’re here early today.” _You sound surprised._ “Go to your seat and take your homework out.” I nod and go to my assigned seat, sitting down and pulling out a bunch of papers from my bag. _Welp, time to get yelled at._ I think, staring at the unfinished work. I watch as the rest of my class begins to enter the room. I wave to Nino as he walks in, though he seems to ignore me and sits in Marinette’s old seat instead of next to me. I turn around and look at him.

“Nino?” I say in a quiet voice. He glances at me for a moment before turning to Alya and talking about some new movie or something. My eyes falter downwards as I turn my attention back to the front of the room, where the teacher is now taking attendance.

“Adrien?”

“Here.” I don’t pay attention to the rest of the names. Instead, I stare at the papers on my desk; each of the questions unanswered. _Reminds me of my questions._ I think. _I wonder if my questions will ever be answered._

“Adrien!” I snap back into reality, and look up at Ms. Bustier.

“Y-yes?” She stares at me with a strict gaze.

“What is this?” She points to my undone homework. I glace at them, then back to her, not saying anything. “I’d like to speak to you after class, if that’s okay.” She tells me, though it’s more of a command than a request. I lower my head, and she walks to check the other students’ work. I hear a few whispers around me, but ignore them. A few minutes later, the lesson has begun. I don’t pay attention to any of it.

_What’s the plan?_

_You sneak out and look for Hawkmoth._

_But what if he’s not there?_

_He’s always there. He’s always watching us._

I freeze, drawing a quick breath. I lift my eyes to the teacher, who is talking about heroes or villains or something. I don’t know.

_Who is he?_

_He’s always here. He’s always here._

_What are you talking about?! Who is Hawkmoth?!_

_You already know who he is. He’s already in your head._

“Adrien. Adrien!” I come back to life, finding Ms. Bustier in front of me. My breathing is heavy and quick, forcing my hands to the side of my head to steady myself. “Are you okay, Mr. Agreste?” I look up at her. “Are you okay?” She repeats.

“Y-yes. I’m here.” She raises an eyebrow.

“That’s not what I asked.” I stare at her silently for a few moments, processing what she had told me.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” I look around the classroom. It’s empty. _Did class end?_

“Class ended five minutes ago.” She says, answering my question. I furrow my eyebrows, but don’t say anything else. “Adrien, I know things have been difficult for you.” She pauses, as if trying to find the right words. “And I know that not everyone is treating you the same way as they did before.” _Does she honestly think I care about that?_ “But I need you to know that you’re an important person. People care about you.”

“Ma’am, I’m okay. Please, I don’t need this lecture.” She blinks twice, before shaking her head.

“Adrien, I want you to come talk to me after every class. I want to know what’s going on in your head.” _No, you don’t._ I think, accidently letting out a small laugh. She sends me an odd look.

“I-I’m sorry. I guess…I just don’t feel comfortable talking about my life right now.”

“I understand. I know it’s hard after Marinette’s death, but I don’t want you hurting yourself in the process of healing. Please, try to see the good in things instead of the bad.” I nod, only half listening to what she tells me. “Good. Now, go join your friends. Try talking to Nino again; you might feel better afterwards.” I shake my head in agreement once again, eager to leave. I stand up and shove my things into my bag, exiting the room.

“Thank you, Ms. Bustier.” I say to her before leaving, trying to sound as believable as possible.

_I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help._

_I’m fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a pretty empty chapter, I guess. Not really. I don't know; what else do I have to say? Thanks for reading? Sure.
> 
> Thanks for somehow getting through this terrible story.


	7. Apology

I stroll down the hall, ignoring everyone around me.

_“Try talking to Nino again.” As if he would ever understand._

I shove my hands into my pockets, dragging myself down the stairway to the main floor of the school and entering the locker area. As I swing my locker open, I glance at Chloé, whose eyes fall on me as well for a moment before quickly changing her gaze.

_Who knew. Even my childhood friend has now turned her back to me. Shows how loyal she is. Shows how loyal they all are._

I slam the metal door closed after putting all my books in, and pull my phone out. 11:13. I have to be back by 12 for math and science. I return my phone and hands into my pockets, and shuffle out of the locker room, making my way towards the main entrance of the school building. As I approach the stairs to the sidewalk, I tilt my head to the bright blue sky. There are very few clouds weaving through the ocean, barely breaking the beams of light. I close my eyes as my face is basked by the immense heat, and can’t help but let out a small smile and a relieving sigh.

_Don’t get too comfortable._

My grin swiftly turns to the opposite, and my eyes slowly reopen. Despite the sunlight, I suddenly feel very, very cold. I stare at the ground as I walk down the stairs and to my limo, where my bodyguard patiently awaits for me. He opens the car door for me, and I duck into it, taking a seat. I slide down in my seat as he closes the door and people start flooding out of the school entrance.

_Were they…waiting for me to leave?_

_They’re scared of you._

_Why? What have I ever done to threaten them?_

_Think back._

I don’t focus on the other’s words, pushing them to the back of my mind as I sit up straight and turn to the window. We pass the Dupain-Cheng Bakery, the popularity only increasing after the incident. Is it pity? Are those people truly sorry for the parents of the passing young girl? Who knows.

We arrive at my manor, and I exit the vehicle. The front doors are opened for me as I grow close, and I enter to see the familiar empty foyer. I shake my head almost unnoticeably and make my way to the dining room, where my lunch is already waiting for me. I sit myself in my usual seat, and pick at my food.

“Adrien,” I glace up at the direction my name is called from, finding my assistant, clutching her tablet as if her life depended on it. “You have a hair appointment immediately after school. Your father will not be happy if you skip once again.”

_That’s right. I skipped the last two, and went on patrol instead. People have been wondering why the perfect model Adrien Agreste hasn’t been looking like himself._

I look back at where she was standing. She has left before I could say anything back to her. I let out a defeated sigh and continue to poke at my lunch, too lost in thought to worry about hunger.

_Looks can be deceiving, yes?_

_People see the perfect boy in those magazines._

_And they see the “different” boy wandering the school halls._

_Father sees the rebellious teenager living in his residence._

_And the people see the angry superhero fighting in the streets of their city._

_No one sees the boy fighting his inner demons and desires._

_There are so many different sides to the same story, aren’t there?_

_…_

_Eat. You must have your strength when looking for him tonight._

I take a bite of the now-cold food, sluggishly chewing it and swallowing the big pieces, then running it all down with water afterwards.

_Good. Keep obeying, and you will find him soon._

_Soon?_

_Soon. You will feel vengeance soon. Relief. Happiness._

_I will feel…happy again._

_Yes. Happiness. But you must obey. Do you understand, boy?_

_Yes._

I stab another piece with the fork, then lifting it to my mouth. It all tastes the same to me now, despite the effort put in by the chefs. I feel a vibration in my pocket, and reluctantly pull the phone out of its place in my pocket, my eyes falling on the screen.

_I’m sorry._

I read the text over and over. I see who had sent it to me. Nino. Nino’s sorry? What for? He was there for me at first. Why is he sorry? Is he sorry for abandoning me when I needed him? For joining the others when calling me insane? For allowing me to continue down this path towards Hell? I find myself quietly laughing. Why do I laugh now? Why do I laugh like this? Is it because he is giving me this…this fake sympathy? Many send me this type of compassion. They act as if they’re sorry, but that is simply the “right” thing to do. They do it for themselves. To show that they are a “good” person. I thrust the device back into the pocket, shaking my head.

_Don’t worry about him. Don’t worry about any of them. You don’t need their words. You just need—_

_Revenge._

The other doesn’t say anything else when I cut it off. I don’t think too much on why. I look up at the clock that hangs silently in the room, not daring to break the heavy atmosphere surrounding it. 11:48. Time to go. My gaze falls back onto my barely-touched lunch. _I’m sorry._ I think when I push myself out of my seat and exit the room.

_Sorrow. Such a powerful feeling that has lost its meaning through time. What is a person saying when they tell you that they are sorry? Are they truly regretting their actions? Or is it merely an act? It seems that the latter is true more often than desired._

_I’m sorry. Such empty words now. Their meaning has been lost in the thousands of times it has been used. What does it mean? What do such words mean now? They don’t mean much anymore, now do they? They don’t mean such regretfulness. All they ask for is forgiveness. A simple request to forget the sin committed. It’s never that easy, now is it? Though the wound is healed, the scar will always remain._

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

_Such meaningless words._

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

_“Sorry” doesn’t work. Not anymore. Such useless words mean nothing to me now. Not after everything you have done to me._

_I’m sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever wondered how empty sorry's have gotten as we use them so often? Apologies are such an interesting concept. How can you tell a real one from a fake one? Who knows.


	8. The Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat Noir, though not himself, still must fulfil his duty as the hero of Paris and defeat this villain. But must he be defeated?

I walk back into the classroom and take my seat. It seems that I’m one of the first to arrive again. Ms. Mendeleiev is writing some math equations on the board, her back facing me. She hasn’t noticed me yet. I pull out the previous night’s assignment. _Damn. She’s not going to react well to the fact that I haven’t done my homework again, now will she? Father’s going to be disappointed. Whatever. It wouldn’t be the first time._ Slowly, people begin entering the room. I watch as they ignore me, as if I was never there in the first place. Nino doesn’t even acknowledge my presence, despite the text he had sent me earlier.

Class begins, and the professor begins by checking our homework. She doesn’t say anything when she sees mine, as if she already knew that I didn’t do it. I don’t react to her rolling her eyes and shaking her head, my eyes not leaving the papers on my desk. _At least no one is talking about it this time._ I think as I focus on the silence of the room, the teacher’s voice being the exception. I let out a small shiver for some reason, but I don’t think much on it. Class eventually starts, with her teaching us a new math theory.

I place my elbows on the desk and my cheeks in the palms of my hands, attempting to not pass out as a sudden wave of dizziness comes upon me.

_This is what happens when I stay up so late._

_Are you saying you regret it?_

_No! No. I-I was only stating an observation._

Another shudder runs down my spine, forcing a small breath out of me as a weak effort to calm down. The class then freezes abruptly when the ground begins to rumble quietly. I already know what’s happening. The loud speakers then turn on. “All students and staff please evacuate the building in an immediate and composed manner.” The voice says. My shoulders droop, and I crack my knuckles. No one notices. “An akuma is approaching the area. Please return home until further notice.”

“Well, you heard Mr. Damocles.” The professor’s voice now fills the room. “All of you pack up and go home. And don’t forget to do your assignment for tonight!” I can feel her eyes on me when she says this, but my mind is elsewhere. _What will it be this time? How much will it hurt?_ I push myself to a stand and shove everything into my bag. _It’s time._

I sprint out of the school, ignoring the odd looks from the other students. _I don’t have time for those mindless imbeciles._ I look both ways, looking for an area to transform. My eyes fall onto a narrow alleyway, and so I quickly make my way there. _I can’t let anyone get hurt._ Once hidden, I open my bag, allowing my kwami to fly out. “At least you have enough sanity left to know that you’re still the protector of Paris.” I roll my eyes.

“Claws out!”

 ---

I sprint across the buildings, glancing left and right for the villain. _This could be my chance to kill him._

_Don’t act so hastily. You must have some sort of plan first._

_There’s no time!_

_You’ve lasted this long so far, haven’t you?_

I stop in my tracks, the thought of the upcoming threat pushed to the back of my mind.

_What are you saying?_

_I’m saying that you must think before acting. You risk jeopardizing the whole objective if you do so._

_But—_

_Keep stalling, and you’ll lose even more people._

My attention is brought back to the real reason Chat Noir is here. I shake my head, attempting to break out of my trance, and dash towards the screaming of civilians. _What will it be this time?_ I wonder in slight excitement. Life was never the same since I became the feline savior of this city. I leap across the gaps between the buildings, approaching the akuma. Adrenaline runs through my veins, all the exhaustion seemingly gone. The wind rushes past my face, and a wild smile forms on my face. My heart beats through my chest, and all the yells of desperation around me fade. Suddenly, I’m the only person. It’s just me and the blasted villain. I see the shell of a man appear in front of me; a slender man in a long black cloak, facing me. His face is hidden in an abyss under the hood, and the cloth is ripped and ragged. _What is this?_ As I near the monster, he suddenly moves with great speed, his hand outstretched towards me, his fingers barely brushing against my chest. “Wha—”

“You have many demons.” His voice is soft and jaggedly calming. I stare with wide eyes, feeling the coldness of his skin through my suit. “Many secrets. Lies. How interesting. Many more than everyone thus far.” My eyes narrow, and I pull a few steps away from him, grabbing my staff and holding a defensive stance.

“And who are you?” I ask in a mocking tone. “What has the great Hawkmoth thrown at me this time?” He lets out a low laugh, and, out of nowhere, pulls out a scythe. My eyes widen with sudden realization of the situation. This akuma isn’t like the others. He launches himself towards me, swinging his weapon. I jump out of the way just in time, feeling the air as the metal slices past me. I land, now look up at him with a newly lit fire in my eyes.

“You,” He begins, holding the scythe over his right shoulder, “may call me Reaper.” I crack my knuckles and roll my neck.

“This is going to be fun.” I say, thinking of how satisfying punching something sounds right now. “I wonder how long you’ll last.”

“Such confidence is usually a sign of insecurity.” I shake my head, a laugh now escaping my lips.

“You’re the definition of an edgelord.” I reply to him with a smirk, then dodging another swing. “Did you know that doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is considered insanity?” I hear him let out a low growl, boosting my ego a bit more. I do a quick back handspring, landing at the edge. “See ya on the other side.” I send him a two-fingered salute with my left hand and lean back, falling off the building.

“Damnit!” I hear him scream in frustration as I pull my staff out and extend it to the ground, pushing myself up into the air. I glance back, seeing him standing where I just was, clutching the scythe in anger, forcing another grin out of me.

_What’s your plan?_

_I’ll wing it._

The baton shortens, and I front flip onto another building. I land on my feet with my knees bent, the palms of my hands pressed against the roof of the structure for support and the baton returned to the small of my back. The sudden wave of fatigue hits me. I grab my head as the world begins to spin around me. _Not now…_ I push myself to a stand, stumbling forward, but catching my balance.

“Cornered.” I freeze when the blade is suddenly against my neck, and I am pulled backwards until pressed against the man’s chest. “Who’s laughing now, Chat Noir?” I struggle to break free of his grip, but it’s no use. _Damnit, damnit, damnit…_ “There’s no use in trying, you idiot. Just give me your ring, and you’ll be free to go.”

“How…did you even…get here?” I say in separate breaths, and he pushes the weapon against my neck even more, the blade close to breaking my skin.

“That is not important at the moment. Now, you can either give me the miraculouses willingly, or we can do this the difficult method.”

“Fuck…you…” My voice is raspy, and the exhaustion is not helping. The weapon is removed and I am shoved to the ground, where he then places a foot on my back to prevent me from standing.

“Are you sure you are in a position to say such things?” I laugh and shake my head in disbelief.

“I’ve been in bad situations before, but never like this.” I arc my back and strain my head to attempt to see him. “Is this what you call ‘the difficult method’?”

“This is what I call a compromise.” I face in front of me again, giving up on trying to see him. I then feel his breath beating against my right ear. “Now, are you willing to cooperate?” A shiver runs down my spine, and I let out a small laugh.

“If you think I’m just gonna hand them over to you, then you must be a real fucking idiot.” I say to him with a hit of malice in my voice. He leans more weight onto my back, forcing me to clench my teeth. “You’re only making me angry.” I warn. “You’ll regret doing that.”

“And what are you going to do? You’re nothing without Ladybug. You’re a disgrace to her name.” That’s when something inside of me snaps. _A disgrace? Yes. But I can defeat you._ I reach to my staff, managing to grab it, and extend it into his chest. He’s immediately pushed off, and I jump back to my feet.

“I may be nothing compared to her, but you’re nothing compared to me.” I growl, my nails digging into my skin through the costume as I clutch my weapon. “And, if you dare to say anything about her, I swear to God you will regret ever being born.” I see him grin under the hood, and he runs towards me with impressive speed, swinging his blade. I duck beneath it and send a blow to his stomach. He stumbles back, letting out a quiet grunt, then running to me again, trying to pin me down with the scythe. _You’re not going to defeat me. You’re not going to stop me from killing him._ I scan him as I continue to fight, looking for where his akuma might be. He wears no jewelry, and the only object on him is the scythe. _Must be in there. But I can’t destroy it; this could be my chance to find him!_

“You’re holding back!” He says to me as he sends another attempt.

“Where is he?!” I yell, falling back for a few moments to catch my breath.

“That is none of your concern.” I crack my knuckles.

“I beg to differ.” I grab the scythe mid-swing, and he tries to pull it back to his control. I don’t allow him to do so. “Tell me, or this scythe is gone.” I threaten him. “One word and it’s all over.”

“You wouldn’t do that. You need me. Why else would you be making such bold statements?” My gaze narrows, and my grip on his weapon tightens.

“Try me.” I tug on the sickle with sudden strength, taking him by surprise. “Are you sure you want to take that chance?”

“I’d be disobeying either way.” His strength then unexpectedly surpasses mine, pulling me closer to him at the same time. Once close enough, he kicks me in the stomach, forcing a gasp out of me. “I’ve been lied to enough all my life. Just give up, and the pain will cease.” A small, weak smile forms on my face.

“The pain never goes away.” I run towards him and leap forward, tackling him and placing all my weight onto the scythe, causing it to snap. The rage rises inside of me as I watch the creature flutter out of it, making its way away from me and the victim. “Damnit!” I scream as I chase after it in frustration, calling for my cataclysm. The black aura orbits my right hand as I jump into the air and wrap my fingers around the akuma, feeling it crumble to dust in the palm of my hand. Angry tears roll down my cheeks when I land, and I fall to my knees. “God fucking damnit! I had a chance!” I yell to the emptiness around me, ignoring the now-confused citizen. My voice lowers to a whisper. “I had a chance…”

_There’s always next time._

_I can’t wait anymore!_

_Yes, you can. Patience, Adrien. The time will come. Do not worry._

I look ahead of me; the boy is gone now. Must’ve ran in fear of me. I shake my head slowly, my sight faltering to the floor below me. _It’s useless. I’m useless. Every chance that is given to me is wasted. I am nothing._ I slouch, the adrenaline rush finally gone, and the tiredness returning.

_I will never be free._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update, guys. Writer's Block sucks.

**Author's Note:**

> Now looking at it, the chapters are pretty short. Eh, whatever. I could change it, but I'm too lazy. Besides, I already have most of the story planned out. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


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